10 Tips for How to Write Wedding Vows

Are you planning to write your own vows? Choosing nontraditional wedding vows is a more personal approach but how do you begin? Here’s my top 10 list for how to write your own wedding vows.


#1: Start Early: You cannot start the vow writing process too early into your engagement. I live by Mark Twain’s adage: “The secret of getting ahead is getting started. The secret of getting started is breaking your complex overwhelming tasks into small manageable tasks, and starting on the first one.”

For the ultimate guide on how to schedule time for vow writing, check out my previous post, The Ultimate Timeline Guide for Writing Your Own Vows.


#2: Ask Yourself the Right Questions: Any successful journalist would tell you the key to a strong story begins by asking good questions. To avoid a page full of romantic clichés, ask yourself questions that get to the heart of what makes your relationships special and unique.

Check out my previous post, Three Questions You Should Ask Yourself to Help Write Your Wedding Vows and discover questions to help write your own vows.


#3: Choose a Theme: Themes are often underutilized in wedding vows. However, they’re an excellent way to tie together all those thoughts and feelings you have running through your mind. Your fiancé means many different things to you.

When you consider all of those moments that made you fall deeper in love, what did they have to do with? Was it when he was super supportive? Was it how he always pushed you to be a better version of yourself?

This is what we’d considered a theme. Once you’ve identified your theme, it’s easier to write your vows. You’ll use this central idea as your anchor point to which everything else is written around.


#4: Enter a Judgement Free Zone: Leave your perfectionist ID at the door. When it comes to writing your own vows, kick perfectionism to the curb and embrace progress.

The only way you’ll create truly heartfelt and meaningful wedding vows, is when you allow yourself to be vulnerable with yourself. You don’t need to judge your writing. You just need to start writing. 


#5: Love is in the Details: When it’s time to express how you feel, let go of common love quotes or clichés. Instead, rely on specific stories that show why you love your fiancé. Don’t just say you promise to always cook his favorite dinner.

Get specific and name it. Stating fried chicken with homemade mashed potatoes paints a more colorful picture and makes for more personalized wedding vows.


#6: Track Your Word Count: Short and sweet is the mantra to use while writing your own vows. Aim to write around 390 to 650 words which is three to five minutes in speaking length.

It might be difficult to keep your word count down but it will make for a more meaningful delivery. Editing your own work can be nearly impossible when you’re in love with every word and thought. If you’re struggling, you can work with a wedding vow writer for some professional help.


#7: Get Inspired: What is the setting where you’re trying to write your own vows? Why not cozy up in the corner booth of where you had your first date?

Maybe make a playlist of songs that are personal to your relationship and play them in the background to help your subconscious tap into your love story.

Find things that inspire that feeling you get when you think about your fiancé. It will help your creativity flow.


#8: Chat with a Friend: Sometimes you’re too close to your relationship to decide what sort of themes or stories you should use within your vows. Catch up with a close friend like your maid of honor to help decide what to focus on within your vows.

Have her tell the story about the first time she met your fiancé or her recollection of how he proposed. Hearing your love story through your best friend’s eyes will show you a new perspective from which you can glean inspiration.


#9: Practice: The first time you read your wedding vows out loud should not be at the altar. Rehearse reading your vows to a trusted friend who can provide constructive feedback.

If you don’t want to share your vows with anyone before your wedding ceremony, video record yourself. You’ll notice nervous ticks that you’ll be able to self-adjust before your videographer captures them on camera.


#10: Stretch Your Creativity Muscle: Writing your own wedding vows can be one of the most enjoyable parts of the wedding planning process. With so much to coordinate, this task allows you to be creative instead of being stressed.

If writing isn’t your artistic outlet, start with what makes you feel more creative. Try painting your feelings or taking photographs of things that represent your relationship. Then use your creation as a jumping off point that you later transition into words.

Still struggling to write your own vows after following these ten tips? As a professional wedding vow writer at Wedding Words, I can help. Let’s chat. I can’t wait to collaborate on creating your unique wedding vows.