If you suffer from anxiety, you know how real it is. It can feel debilitating and sometimes handicap you from doing the things you really want. For many brides I work with, the idea of writing her vows and publicly sharing them during the wedding ceremony is a surefire way for her anxiety to spike and send her into full blown panic attack.
So why do brides put themselves through this stress? Like you, they want the uniqueness of writing custom written vows—despite how scary it can feel.
As someone who deals with anxiety around certain social situations, I can completely understand that fearful feeling that bubbles up inside you. It’s the same feeling that makes me want to leave a party to jet home, change into my pajama's, and watch reruns of Fuller House. But we do not grow from places of comfort. We evolve into stronger individuals by challenging ourselves to persevere through the discomfort.
So today I’m talking to you…the anxious bride who wants desperately to write personalized wedding vows. You can begin to overcome your anxiety and write wedding vows that will let your fiancé know just how much you love him. Here are my six tips to make it happen.
Tip #1: Take it One Day and Task at a Time: Thinking about reading your vows in front of all your wedding guests is enough pressure to prevent you from ever putting pen to paper. Slow down and try not to get ahead of yourself. The wedding is months away. Today you don’t need to worry about your shaking hands, the 200 set of eyes staring at you, or the videographer who is going to be capturing the entire moment. Today you only need to write and think about how wonderful your fiancé and your relationship is. Start small and take these baby steps to make progress. Maybe today you only write down one sentence. It’s a start. Progress over perfect.
Tip #2: Talk with Your Fiancé: Anxiety at its core is fear of the unknown. Talk with your fiancé about how you’re feeling. Ask him how he plans to write and deliver his vows. Learning his process may help you to understand many of the unknowns you have surrounding vow writing.
Tip #3: Practice, Practice, Practice: The more you practice reading your vows out loud, the less anxious you’ll become. Sure, there’ll always be that tinge of nervousness brought on by the sheer fact that you’ll be publically sharing your heart. But when you rehearse your vows, they start to feel less like a secret and more like a story you’re excited to tell. Plus, having practiced so much, many of those nervous areas like fumbling over your lines will be in the past. Practice now and you’ll be able to confidently deliver your vows come the big day.
Tip #4: Journal First: Sitting down to write your vows can feel daunting. Start with another form of writing that’s less intimating like journaling. Allow your subconscious to take over as you scribble down thoughts about your fiancé, relationship, and future together. To help with your nerves, try to also journal about your anxiety. When you journal about your anxiety, you’ll begin to make sense of your feelings. This will help you deal with and confront them. Bonus—you’ll also have some sweet nuggets to pull from for your vows after journaling thoughts about your relationship.
Tip #5: Consider Not Reading Your Vows: If the pressure is just too much to handle, consider how you can share your feelings outside of the wedding ceremony. Just because you opt out of sharing personalized vows does not mean you need to forgo a heartfelt moment. You just don’t have to do it in front of all your guests! Try writing a card or letter and have your maid of honor deliver it to your fiancé hours before the ceremony. You could also write your own vows or feelings and share them with your fiancé during the first look. This way it’s an intimate experience and you still get to share what’s in your heart.
Tip #6: Hire a Professional: Still want to write those vows but are feeling stuck? You know I’m your girl. Many of the brides I collaborate with to help write their vows have a ton in their heart that they want to express. But they feel way too anxious and stressed to put it into words in a way that resonates with what they want to say. That’s where I come in. I’ll work with you to ensure your voice and emotions come through. I’ll also provide a custom video with your final copy of vows that provides tips and feedback on how to confidently deliver your vows. You’ll finally be able to kick that anxiety to the side and enjoy your ceremony.
I hope you found my six tips helpful for how to write your vows when you’re feeling anxious. Now I’d love to hear from you. Have you already written your wedding vows? How did you overcome the stress associated with it? Still need to write your wedding vows? What’s causing you the most anxiety around this wedding task?