6 Tips for How to Convince Your Fiancé to Write His Vows

Do you adore the idea of writing your own wedding vows but your fiancé is not on board? With wedding planning comes compromises. Band or DJ? Roses or peonies? If you’re set on wanting to write your own vows but am struggling to convince your fiancé, these six tips will get him excited to write his own wedding vows. 

Tip #1: Show Him Examples: We often fear what we don’t know. Share wedding videos with your fiancé that show couples reading their own vows. I collaborate with videographers and they all say the same thing—personalized wedding vows make the wedding video more special and unique.

Search YouTube or your favorite wedding videographer’s websites for examples to show your fiancé. Once he views custom vows in action, he may warm up to the concept.  

Tip #2: Talk with Married Couples: Discuss custom wedding vows with your married couple friends. What did they do for their wedding? Ask your friends why they chose to write their own wedding vows? How did they end up feeling about that decision?

For your friends who went with traditional wedding vows, find out how they felt. Did they regret not having something more personal?

We’re always more likely to buy in to an idea, product, or service when a friend recommends it.

Tip #3: Explain Why It Matters to You: The why that motivates what we want is so important. It provides context and meaning to our desires. Why is writing your own vows important to you? Share this truthfully with your fiancé.

For most couples I work with, they choose to write their own vows because it feels more personal to their relationship. Reading unique wedding vows allows you to express your love story in a way that traditional vows simply can’t.

Be honest with your fiancé about the why. It may help him further understand. Plus, he may even discover he shares the same desires that are driving you to want to write your own vows.

Tip #4: Get Him Help: Many people are not comfortable trying to articulate their feelings. If your fiancé is avoiding vow writing because he feels it’s overwhelming and out of his wheelhouse, hire him help.

At Wedding Words, I collaborate with brides and grooms to put their heart into words. The process is completely custom.

Through a video call, I voice record him sharing stories about your relationship, what he adores about you, and why he wants to spend the rest of his life with you. As the vow writer, I take his words and create custom wedding vows. It’s all his heart. I just do the framing, editing, and take the fear and stress out of the entire process.

Tip #5: Imagine the Memory of Your Wedding 30 Years from Now: How do you want to remember your wedding day? What aspects will be important to you after the cake is gone and the last song has played?

The promises you make during your wedding ceremony is your send-off into marriage. You can say traditional wedding vows but will this capture the unique promises you have for your future marriage and spouse?

Along with your wedding photographs and video, your wedding vows can be one of the most sentimental and meaningful keepsakes from your wedding.

If you choose to write your own vows, honor their meaning and remember the words by framing your vows. You can hang the frame above your bed, or any personal area in your home you’ll frequently see. These words can serve as a loving reminder of what your relationship represents from your first day of marriage and throughout the years to come. 

When your fiancé imagines how personalized wedding vows can play a role in your marriage like this, it may convince him to embrace the words that will frame your future.

Tip #6: Compromise: If your fiancé still adamantly opposes personalized wedding vows, find a compromise.

Instead of reading your own vows during the wedding ceremony in front of 200 guests, carve out time during the wedding day to read your own vows when it’s just the two of you. The first look is a nice and intimate time to share your unique wedding vows.

Another option is to write your own vows in a love letter format. Have your maid of honor deliver the note to him. You can read each other’s love letter before the ceremony. This is also an opportunity to read something personal outload so your videographer can use something custom to weave throughout your video.