Will your wedding day mark the beginning of your blended family? Then you’ll want to include your and your fiance's children in your vows.
How do you include them?
What’s the best way to mention the children?
Does your message change depending on their age?
How much are you supposed to focus on the kids in your vows?
When it comes to including your blended family within your vows, there’s a lot to consider.
As a wedding vow writer, I regularly work with brides and grooms who are entering into a marriage where they or their future spouse already has children.
Whether we’re talking about your kids, your spouses, or both of your children…I have tips to help make sure you write vows that your fiance and your extended new family will appreciate.
Tip #1: Consult with Your Fiance
Before you begin writing your vows, be sure to talk with your fiance about including the children.
This way, you’ll receive direct feedback from them that might help to frame how you want to discuss children in your vows.
Receiving this guidance will also help your fiance to know if they should mention the kids in their vows. This way, they won’t feel like they forget this important detail during the ceremony after hearing your vows.
Tip #2: Mention your Stepchildren or Bonus Children in Your Vows
If your future spouse has children, include them within your vows.
Also, be aware of how you address them. Meaning, what is the preferred language your family will use? Are they your stepchildren, bonus children, or are you calling them your kids?
Here are a few additional details to consider:
Their Age: The younger the child, the more likely it is that you’ll be a parent figure for them. However, if they’re fully grown and adults themselves, you may want to exclude them from your vows as it might come across as condescending or out of place for you to mention them. Go with your gut and when in doubt, talk to your fiance.
Your Connection: What is your relationship like with your fiance’s children? If you’re exceptionally close, then it makes perfect sense to talk about them in your vows. Although, if you haven’t formed a deep bond, you may want to consider something more abstract. For example, I promise to support and love your children just as I will support and love you.
Their Other Parent: Be considerate of their other parent. You don’t want the message you communicate to come across as disrespectful to their other parent or that you’re trying to replace them. Instead, highlight that you’re just here to give the child even more love and to add to their life.
Tip #3: Consider Including Your Own Children
What if you’re the one who already has children? Does it make sense to mention your own?
I recommend mentioning your kids to make them feel included since your wedding day is not just about two adults joining in marriage, it’s also about two families coming together as one.
Example of how to include your own kids:
I’m so grateful not only for the love you show me but for how you embrace and treat my children. I know that today as we enter into marriage, we’re also growing our family, and I can’t imagine a better addition to it than you.
Tip #4: Get Help from a Vow Writer
If figuring out how to include your blended family in your vows feels too overwhelming, reach out to an expert for help.
As a vow writer, I work with couples in various family situations. I listen to what their family dynamic is like, what values are important to them, and how they want their vows to feel for their family.
Then I write custom vows to capture their unique story and tone whether that be through emotional vows or funny wedding vows.
Get in touch to see how I could help with your vows.
Blended Family Wedding Vow Examples
For Younger Kids
If your fiance has younger children, reference these examples for ways to include them within your vows.
Have one of your promises focus on the kids.
Examples:
I promise to raise, support, and love Holly and Brayden as my own.
I promise to not only show you unconditional love but to also show that to your children.
I promise to always be there for Rich and Matilda in any way they may need. They can come to me for advice, support, and especially for exceptionally bad Dad Jokes.
Or you can dedicate a section of the vows outside of the promises section to highlighting their children and your relationship with them.
Examples:
When I first heard you talk about your children, I saw the love in your eyes and the gratitude in your heart. Then I met them and quickly saw how easy it would be for me to feel the same for them. I want you to know that from this day forward, I too, will forever feel more loved and profound gratitude because they are part of my life.
Your children are a beautiful reflection of the person you are…thoughtful, caring, and wildly funny. I can’t wait to share my life with all three of you.
For Older Kids
If your fiance’s kids are young adults, you’ll want to take a different approach with how you might mention them in your vows. Since unlike with young children, you won’t be helping to raise them, you’ll want to consider details that make more sense for the relationship dynamic you will share.
Examples:
I promise to be another person your sons can rely on as they navigate adulthood.
I promise to spend most Saturdays on the golf course with Gavin.
I promise that Sloane and Cassandra will always have a room in our home and space in our hearts.