“Help! I hate public speaking!”
As a wedding speech writer, I hear a lot of feedback from clients regarding what their speech writing challenges are but this quote is a common one. So what are you supposed to do when you have to give a wedding speech but you really hate public speaking?
Whether you're the maid of honor, best man, or a parent of the couple, giving the wedding speech can be a heart-pounding, stress-inducing, anxiety-filled responsibility.
How long do you have to speak for?
What should you say?
Do you look at the guests or the couple during your speech?
I’m sure you’re head is starting to sweat just considering each of these questions. You can breathe a sigh of relief. I’m a professional wedding speech writer who has helped the most nervous and shy wedding party members prepare and recite their wedding speeches.
Most of my clients begin by expressing their distaste for public speaking only to send me an email after the wedding, raving about how confident they felt and how wonderfully their speech was received by guests and the couple.
So I’ve compiled my most effective wedding speech writing and public speaking tips so you too can go from someone who hates public speaking to a calm and confident presence up at the mic.
Tip #1: Prepare Your Wedding Speech
Anxiety is most often triggered when we feel unprepared. So instead of attempting to simply “wing your speech,” write your speech in advance of the wedding day.
It may feel good in the moment to procrastinate on a task that gives you a stomach ache.
But trust me. Having something prepared for the big day will calm your nerves in a much more impactful way than completely avoiding the speech will.
Tip #2: Keep Your Speech Short
Most wedding speeches range between two to five minutes.
If you hate public speaking, aim fo the shorter length. Your time in front of everyone will feel less daunting if you know you only have to speak for around two minutes rather than having to keep the attention of guests for five minutes.
Plus, two minutes is a great amount of time to capture all the key elements in your wedding toast.
And remember, guests would rather sit through a speech that’s shorter rather than have to listen to one that drags on and on…and on.
Tip #3: Turn Your Hate for Public Speaking into Love for the Couple
There have been studies that show someone can alter their feelings of nervousness into feelings of excitement simply by saying, “I’m so excited!” before nerve-inducing activities.
Think of this as a brain trick for flipping the mental narrative.
Well, you can flip your perspective when it comes to how you view public speaking too.
Instead of focusing on all of the reasons why you hate public speaking, focus on all of the love you have for the newly married couple.
Often, we’re better suited to do something if we know it’s to help someone we love. Your speech is going to make people who you care about feel special, happy, and appreciated.
Allow that to be your inspiration and take center stage in your mind before you take center stage at the reception hall.
Tip #4: Work with a Public Speaking Expert
In addition to writing custom wedding speeches, I also conduct one-on-one public speaking consultations with my clients.
During these video calls, clients practice reading their wedding speeches out loud as if they were doing it in front of all 200 wedding guests.
As their coach, I provide real-time feedback on things like pacing, tone, body language, and overall delivery.
By the end of a single call, clients express how much more calm and confident they feel. Some even send me emails after the wedding saying that they no longer hate public speaking!
Tip #5: Practice Reciting Your Speech Out Loud
Even if you don’t work with a professional to practice your public speaking skills, you should still practice reciting your speech before the wedding day.
Practicing your speech out loud is one of the best ways to overcome your hate for public speaking and to feel prepared.
To practice, try these tips:
Practice reading your speech out loud by yourself first.
Then practice speaking in front of one person who you trust to give you constructive feedback.
Lastly, practice in front of a small group (three to five people) who you know will provide you with a safe space.
The more you practice, the more comfortable you’ll start to feel.
And by gradually increasing the number of people and variety of people who you speak in front of, you will become more emotionally and mentally prepared to read your wedding speech in front of a larger crowd on the wedding day.
Tip #6: Confront Your Fear
Why do you hate public speaking? Literally, ask yourself this and really consider your answer to the question.
“I hate public speaking because I don’t like speaking in front of crowds.”
This may feel like an answer but it doesn’t really address the heart of your hatred for being on stage.
Keep asking yourself why until you unearth the real reason as to why you hate public speaking.
Examples:
I hate public speaking because I’m afraid of being judged.
I hate public speaking because I’m a terrible writer and anything I have to say will sound stupid.
I hate public speaking because when I gave a presentation in 5th grade, everyone laughed and I never want to feel that humiliation again.
See how specific these answers are? While it may be painful to confront these truths, once you do, you can address them.
Tip #7: Give a Joint Speech
When we’re scared to do something, it can help if we don’t have to do it alone.
Ask the couple if you can give a joint speech with another bridesmaid or groomsman.
If you’re the father of the bride, perhaps your spouse can stand next to you and share some of the speaking parts with you.
Not sure how to ask the bride or groom if you can give a joint speech?
Here’s an example template of what you might say:
"Hey, Cori! Joyce and I have been chatting and we both have a lot to say about how much we adore you and appreciate your friendship. :) Would it be possible if instead of just me speaking, she join so we could each share stories about how much we love you?? “
Tip #8: Don’t Picture Everyone in their Underwear
I’m not sure where this saying originated from but the last thing you need to do is picture your family in their tighty whities.
I do have a tip that will help you to hate public speaking a little less.
When it’s time to make eye contact with the guests or the newlyweds, don’t actually look into their eyes. Instead, look at the top of their heads.
To them, it will appear as if you’re making polished and poised eye contact.
But for you, you won’t have to confront the anxious feelings that come with locking eyes while speaking.