There are several phrases in most wedding ceremonies that could use a refresh to make the ceremony more gender inclusive.
Whether you identify as being part of the LGBTQ+ community or not, whether you will have non-binary wedding guests or not, whether you’re sick of antiquated wedding terminology or maybe you just want something more reflective of your personal couple style…this post is for you.
In it, I provide specific examples for how to replace gender-specific language that’s often used in wedding ceremonies with more gender-inclusive language.
Share this guide with your officiant so you can design a wedding ceremony that feels more modern.
“Ladies and Gentlemen…”
The most common way that an officiant addresses wedding guests is by calling them, “Ladies and gentlemen.”
Examples where this phrase is used during the ceremony:
Ladies and gentlemen, please rise for the bride.
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the wedding of…
Ladies and gentlemen, it’s now my pleasure to announce Pete and Laurie married!
While popular, this phase is not inclusive to all guests. And it is an opportunity for you to update your ceremony script.
Gender-inclusive examples:
All please rise for the bride.
Everyone, welcome to the wedding of…
Folks, it’s now my pleasure to announce Pete and Laurie married!
“You May Now Kiss the Bride.”
Perhaps the most popular wedding phrase is, “You may now kiss the bride.”
But the power dynamics are a bit off-balance, right? You may now kiss the bride…what about the bride’s say in the matter?
Updating this phrase is all about partnership equality.
Examples of “You may now kiss the bride” alternatives:
You may now kiss each other.
You may now seal your marriage with a kiss.
In celebration, you may kiss!
You are welcome to kiss.
“Who Gives this Woman to be Married to this Man?
This line is recited immediately after the bride walks down the aisle but before the opening remarks are made by the officiant.
Typically the officiant asks the father of the bride this question and he responds with, “I do.”
For many couples, this feels outdated and a bit awkward. After all, it assumes the bride needs permission from a man…or anyone…to make the decision to get married.
Here are some examples of what you may consider using to turn this section of the wedding ceremony into something more fitting to you.
Script Example:
Officiant: Who gives Stacey to be married to Tim today?
Parent(s) of bride: Stacey does along with the support of her mother/father and I.
“It’s now my honor to present the new Mr. and Mrs. Dan Harris!”
One of the most exciting moments of a wedding is when the officiant introduces the couple for the first time as married.
Historically, it’s common that the couple is introduced using the groom’s entire first and last name.
But what happens if there isn’t a groom? What happens if there are two grooms? Regardless of who is getting married, this phrase could use a modern refresh.
And whether you’re happily taking your partner’s last name or choosing to keep yours, it’s important to think about how you’ll be addressed to guests at the end of your ceremony.
Examples of How to Be Introduced:
…”the new Mr. Steve Oaks and Mr. Scott Wendel.”
“…the new Mr. Gary Jones and Mrs. Tina Smith.”
“…the new Sarah and Beth.”
“…the new Mr. and Mrs. Harris.”
These examples provide a variety of alternatives to simply stating one person’s first and last name. Choose the variation that feels most reflective of your couple style.
“The bridal party…”
The term “bridal party” is not an accurate description of your attendants. This puts all of the emphasis on the bride and whether there is a bride or not at the wedding, both partners should be recognized.
Instead, replace the term with “wedding party.” This modern term is not only more inclusive, but it’s also more accurate.
Next, consider switching up how your wedding party enters the ceremony. Traditionally, women and men are partnered up, and then the women stand next to the bride in a line and the men stand next to the groom.
This does not make sense for a lot of weddings. Couples no longer exclusively have men or women standing up for them. Personally, I have seen an awesome uptick in requests for best woman and man of honor speeches…proof that couples are embracing making their own wedding party rules.
So why not also recognize the processional? Men walking with men. Women with women. Or people just walking solo. You can also mix up how and where people stand or if they even stand at all. Maybe reserve the first few rows for your wedding party to sit in during the ceremony.
Do I need to use gender-inclusive language in my ceremony if I’m not in the LGBTQ+ community?
It’s your wedding ceremony so I encourage you to do whatever you wish.
However, I would recommend using gender-inclusive language for two reasons though.
When the norm becomes using more gender-inclusive language, it becomes easier and more comfortable for everyone. Why not make a choice that serves the evolution of our culture?
I believe that gender-inclusive language isn’t just for those in the LGBTQ+ community. It’s also for couples who crave a more modern approach to tying the knot. So if you’re someone who has spent a lot of time trying to personalize your wedding by choosing your favorite flowers, picking a song with lyrics that mirror your relationship, and writing custom vows to express your unique love story…then also get specific about the language that will be used by your officiant as you enter this next chapter as a married couple.
I need help writing a gender-inclusive wedding ceremony
As a professional wedding vow and speech writer, I’ve worked with many couples and their officiants to write custom and gender-inclusive wedding ceremonies.
Get in touch to see how I can help you too.