How to Write Personalized Wedding Vows When You’re Not a Writer

You want to write personalized wedding vows for your wedding but there’s just one roadblock—you’re not a writer. You have plenty of emotions and feelings to share about your fiancé, relationship, and hopes for your future marriage but you’re stuck on how to articulate your thoughts into eloquent sentences.

How can you write custom wedding vows that you’ll be proud to read on your wedding day? 

As a professional wedding vow writer, I collaborate with couples to write personalized wedding vows. I know the struggles of every person who has proclaimed that they are not a writer. I can help with my tips for how to write unique wedding vows when you lack the writer’s gene.

Start Talking: It can be incredibly intimidating to attempt to just start writing. Where on earth should you begin?

Even the most seasoned writers struggle with the first sentence. Before you sit down to write your personalized wedding vows, trying talking before writing.

Many of us are more comfortable candidly sharing stories than pushing ourselves to articulate those same stories into a written format. Why not talk about your relationship before you try to write about it?

Begin the vow writing process by interviewing yourself and record the one-sided conversation.

Turn on the voice recording feature on your phone and try asking yourself and answering these questions to get started.

·      How did you two first meet?

·      How did you feel in the early stages of dating? How did you feel in the later stages of dating?

·      How does your fiancé make you feel?

·      When you think about your relationship, what makes you most grateful?

·      How do you envision your marriage? What hopes and dreams do you have for you two together?

Once you’ve completed the interview, transcribe the entire recording. This will serve as your wedding vow material. You’ll go from staring at a blank page to having hundreds of words to work with.

Now spend some time flushing out this raw material into a first draft by removing any parts that aren’t suitable for your vows. Keep and rework sentences that capture the emotion you wish to communicate on your wedding day.

Use Writing Prompts: Even professional writers get plagued with writer’s block. When this happens, writing prompts can be a helpful way to wake up the creative muse.

Reach for your journal and try to free write in response to each of the following writing prompts.

·      When you think about your relationship, what makes it uniquely different than any other relationship you’ve experienced?

·      Why are you choosing to marry your fiancé? Why this person?

·      How does your fiancé inspire you?  

The idea is to simply write. Do not judge your notes. You can edit this material later and use these notes as part of your wedding vows. But for now, simply allow your subconscious to take over as you enjoy the art of these writing exercises.

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Reference Love Letters: Have you written your fiancé love letters? What about birthday or anniversary cards? These handwritten notes from your past can serve as valuable material for your wedding vows.

Rereading what you wrote from prior romantic occasions will provide new inspiration for your wedding vow writing. Plus, you may even be able to repurpose some of your past writing. 

Don’t forget the little love notes too. Those cute sticky notes you left on your fiancés desk may seem insignificant for your wedding vows but you never know where inspiration will come from.  

Use Your Favorite Poem or Song Lyrics: Have you ever read a line of poetry and felt like it captured the raw truth of a feeling you had never been able to articulate before? What about hearing a song and feeling like the lyrics spoke to personal experiences you’ve had?

Use these various art forms as inspiration for your personalized wedding vows. Listen to that song you adore or read that piece of poetry that resonates with you and discover what other words come to mind. Try to brainstorm material for your wedding vows by using these forms of art.

What if you can’t come up with material that speaks to your emotions as well as that piece of poetry does? That’s okay. You can also choose to use the actual material for your wedding vows.

Highlight the poem or song as part of your wedding vows by announcing why these words speak to you and how they connect to your relationship.

For example: Throughout our relationship, there’s one song that has continuously beat to the rhythm of our relationship. (Insert song lyrics here). Whenever I hear these words, I can’t help but think of us and how your love has transformed me.

Set Boundaries: Have you ever found yourself at a restaurant holding a menu that’s more like a book? There are so many items listed, you become completely overwhelmed. Compare that situation to reviewing a menu with just five options. It becomes significantly easier to choose your entrée.

The cure to wedding vow writing overwhelm is when the options for what to write have become narrowed down.

There are many directions you can take with vow writing. This variety can often be the cause for overwhelm and vow writing procrastination. Discuss the following vow writing elements with your fiancé and agree on how you want to to handle each item.

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·      How long should our wedding vows be in length? Agree on a word count. Most wedding vows aim to be anywhere between one to five minutes which is between 125 to 650 words.

·      Do we want to focus on any particular themes? Deciding on themes can dramatically help your vow writing. Do you want to make sure you cover your future together and how you view marriage? Or do you only want to focus on your partner’s qualities and how those make you feel? Discuss the various directions your vows can go and then agree on two to three themes you’ll both try to include within your wedding vows.

·      Are there any off-limit topics: Is there anything that you do not want included within your wedding vows? Perhaps mention of a deceased loved one or particular anecdotes. Discuss any specifics that you may want to exclude from your vows to avoid unfortunate surprises.

When you set rails on your wedding vow writing, the actual task will become less overwhelming and you’ll feel more ready to write.

Hire a Vow Writer: Sometimes the best solution to a challenge is to hire help. If you have a desire to write personalized wedding vows but are struggling to put your emotions into words, consider working with a vow writer.

At Wedding Words, I work with couples who have full hearts. They adore their future spouse and want the words they express on their wedding day to be impactful and full of emotion. However, they are handicapped with fear and anxiety when trying to figure out how to write vows that measure up to their personal expectations.

That’s where I can help. We work together to create personalized wedding vows that capture your deepest feelings and I articulate your emotions into words.

Let’s connect for you to learn more about the wedding vow writing process and how we can work together.